Soon...

Is it ironic? Or does it work out quite well that after the excessive partying and feasting of Christmas comes the repentant resolutions of the new year?

Well, I have tons to be repentant about. This 2008, I totally reneged on my promise to avoid white sugar and everything that contains it. I kicked the soda habit then took it up again with a vengeance. I've enjoyed all that nature, family, and restos have to offer by way of rich food. And my body is suffering for it. And showing it.

Tonight will be a double whammy - a dinner at Tita Moning's and Noche Buena at my mom's. There will be roast beef. And I will partake to the max. I feel like a condemned man having my last meal. Except that I've been having it for the last few months.

And 2009 looms like a scary life-will-end-when-desserts-go-away doomsyear. But it's no longer a vanity thing to want to be fit. I can't live with the fear anymore. This fear that springs up whenever I feel a tinge of body pain, or when I have to gasp for breath after climbing 5 steps. It's no longer about fitting into size 6 jeans again. It's a matter of early death and living life without the pain, the embarassment, the limitations that this girth brings me.

I know that something inside needs to change. A major attitude shift. I can't do this alone. I need faith and prayers. I need a vision. I need to be armed with knowledge. I need support. I need a strategy. Maybe, I hope, I pray this blog helps. It's a scary thing to do this. I'm terrified of the end of 2009 and seeing this blog with 5 entries and my body with 5 more pounds. But this can be both negative and positive reinforcement that I badly need. It would take a couple of clicks to delete this blog. But so much more than that to delete this belly and all the surplus fat attached to it.

This could be my most honest blog ever. The thought of eventually logging in my weight here gives me a psychosomatic headache and a real heartache.

We'll see how this goes. 2008 ends soon. May 2009 bring with it opportunity for positive change on a personal and even a world peace level. This has just got to work. So help me, God.